“Grow Up. You don’t deserve for me to be civil, you’re giving me every reason to resent you.”
Those words cut. Deep and deathly and heartless. I guess you found pleasure in your pain. Jumping into the unknown for someone fresh and free of worries. You don’t know how it is to feel such pain, I guess. How it feels to fight and put your heart on the line for the attention of someone
you would lay your life down for. How it feels to be completely and inevitably replaced. How it feels to know you didn’t even fight at all. Maybe that is why you think I’m pathetic? Maybe that is why you don’t care at all? To be honest, you know what you did was wrong, I know that for sure. But what you don't know is how to swallow your pride. I embarrassed myself entirely for you, but you’ll forgive me one day. Deep down you know you’re taking the easy way out. You know…..Wait, no you don’t know.
I can’t focus on YOU anymore. I can’t focus on you because I don’t even know who you are.
I know who you were. I can’t let myself sink any further than I’ve already gone. I lost myself in the process of losing you, and that is the
greatest disappointment to me. I know you better than you even know yourself, but I can’t
care as much as I want to save you from this illusion. Everybody says to let it go.
Everybody says that I deserve better, but I guarantee people are saying the same to you.
At one point we deserved each other, but it’s not in the
cards for us at this point in our lives.
We honestly just drifted apart. The red flag was there long before I wanted to believe it.
Who in the world wants to believe that the love of their
life doesn’t love them back?
My mind went into “fight or flight” method and I had a
mindset to do everything I possibly could to make you want me again. In the
process of that, I pushed you even farther away. But, it’s ok. It’s not great
or wonderful or happy in this moment, but it’s ok, and that is better than
saying things are horrible. I can look back at the wonderful memories and I can
thank you for saving me in the times when I needed not only a lover but also a
best friend. It still hurts my heart, and it probably always will, but I
forgive you, and I love you. You know that. I just can’t let you hurt my anymore
so I am done fighting. I am done being let down. I am going to live for me. I
am going to take your advice and move on. I don’t want to compete with someone
else for your love because I know there is someone who will never make me
compete at all. I do wish you happiness. I do wish you success. But I wish myself more. I’ll love you forever and my arms will always be open as a
friend, but this time it’s my turn to say, take care, goodbye my dear.
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